Lovebombing - The Words
Updated: Aug 21
[ TAP TO READ FULL POST ] --- One thing I have found fascinating after chatting with so many Survivors of narcissists and sociopaths is the similarity in their "lines." I'm not saying that these words or "lines" can never be used authentically, however, the extreme popularity that I've seen among victims makes them worthy enough for me to create a blog post about them. These are ones I heard ALL THE TIME myself and that's why it was so eye-opening when other Survivors mentioned their abusers using many of the same lines, verbatim! My hope is that this list might help you take off the rose-colored-glasses and see through the b.s. of an abuser before you're in too deep!
See, master manipulators are very good at using the lines they have learned throughout the years. They are psychopathic and, as such, can make you feel like you are the only one they have ever said them to. That you are sooooo incredibly special to them. That they love you soooo much! But, this is all a lie. They are actors. Think "Ted Bundy" style. They are simply reciting their lines so that they can hook you in and use you for whatever it is they need or want at the time. These are lines they learned from the victims before you and used on victims before you as well. They are also very likely sprinkling in the new material they are learning from you! Yes, you! If you pay attention, you'll notice that they are using phrases/words that YOU use -- or, even worse, you may notice YOU have started to use THEIR phrases/words back on them. If you notice this, please realize this is a huge red flag of toxic enmeshment -- this means their lovebombing is working and it's time to reassess your situation before they have you paying all their bills while you are wondering when they are even coming home!
...because the lovebombing... the lines of over-the-top endearment... the promises of "true love" and a "fairytale ending"... it doesn't last. The mask will eventually fall and you will see the true abusive manipulator who is behind it all. You will then realize that you were deceived and you will become just another victim in his long line of victims.
And only when you are finally fed up with all of their irresponsible, disrespectful, and gross behaviors and lies, when you are finally ready to leave, only then will they resume the lovebombing and it may be even thicker than before! Only then will they pull out all the stops and start proclaiming all the lines again and lovebombing again...and that my dear is the first cycle of abuse. I hope you recognize it and get out before you go through it again and again, before they suck you completely dry of all your money, resources, friends/family, peace, and joy.
You want to know if they truly love you? Stop supporting them monetarily or with housing/food/etc. and see if they stick around or if they start acting differently. Start watching how they treat people and talk to others. Start researching exactly what their life was like within the year or two before you met them - hell, ask them! Start researching where they came from and whether or not people from their past even associate with them anymore. Start finding out who this person TRULY is - get the entire picture - because there is a reason their Facebook friends list is probably filled with mostly single women (likely fresh outta relationships or going through a divorce as they are the most vulnerable and these predators KNOW that), and the friends list is likely mostly people he doesn't even know personally or just recently met - ask about it! I mean, if this is "true love" and someone you want to live life with, they should be able to answer a question like that easily, right!? And for the FB friends they do report as "knowing personally," find out what TYPE of people they are - are they good, upstanding, citizens? Is there a pattern of criminality or immorality within the people he does actually associate with? If so, that's a sign babe.
See, psychopathic, toxic, abusive people do not have an inner circle of good people - and they rarely have strong connections to anyone from their past. This isn't because they are a victim of poor circumstances (although they will surely have a fake saga that they tell you)! Quite the contrary! IT IS BECAUSE THEY HAVE A TRAIL OF VICTIMS IN THEIR PAST! It is because they have burned bridges everywhere they have roamed! They have victims they abused in romantic relationships, people they screwed over in work relationships, people they stole from or did dirty in friendships, etc. Heck - the sociopath I know even slept with his one and only "best friend's" girlfriend behind his back! Now what does that tell you!? (Note, I only learned about that when I had already been deceptively hoovered back into the relationship and I saw it written on his "12 Step Inventory" Worksheet -- that is one of the things that I keep as a constant reminder of the utter lowliness of that "person." To this day he will smile to that "friend's" face with absolutely no shame or remorse - it's sickening).
In conclusion, just remember, narcissists and sociopaths have no authentic sense of self, so everything they do and say is actually a mirroring of words, and actions, and facial expressions, etc. that they have learned how to copycat over their lifespan. Mirroring and projecting are topics for another blog post, but once you're done perusing the list of typical sociopath "loveboming lines" below, you may want to Google search those words too!
So, without further ado, here is that list. If you're hearing more than one of these within a few months of meeting a new person - PLEASE, take a step back, take off the rose-colored-glasses, and evaluate the situation with some common sense. You don't want to become another statistic.
"You're just amazing inside and out."
"I just wanted to hear your voice."
"Your voice is so [insert romantically positive affirmation]."
"You are straight gorgeous!"
"I've never felt this way about anyone before!"
"Has anyone told you you were beautiful today!?"
"I'd [insert ridiculous action such as "fight Mike Tyson with one arm behind my back"] just to be with you girl!"
"Your eyes are straight mesmerizing! Prettier than a sunset!"
"You are just absolutely amazing!"
"You're the coolest girl I've ever met!"
"You are the ---iest thing I've ever seen!"
"Please baby, just give me one more chance, I can't live without you!"
"You're the only girl I've never been able to walk away from!"
"I've never done ____ with [or for] anyone else!"
"You can't buy what we have in stores."
"Nobody can love you like I can."
"No one can ever replace you or what we have."
"I've never loved anyone like this before."
"I'm sooooo in love with you baby."
"Your voice hits my soul!"
"Your eyes see straight to my soul!"
"I can't stop thinking about you!"
"I think about you nonstop!"
"If you ever leave me, I'll kill you *laughs*"
"I love you more than words could ever describe!"
"I can't put into words how much I love you."
"I will love you til the day I die."
"No other girl has ever even compared to you!"
"You are the finest thing walking!"
"I tried to find someone who is exactly like you, but no one could ever replace you."
"You are so beautiful and talented and smart, I love how smart you are!"
"You are the most beautiful girl in the world."
"I love you inside and out!"
"I want to be with you forever!"
"I could live inside a cardboard box and still be happy with you!"
==Sending multiple links to romantic songs==
==Writing Messages/Signs EVERYWHERE==
==Messaging Constant "Damn I love you baby" or "Damn I miss you baby" Messages
==Constantly Showing Up in Person (in hindsight we call this stalking)==
If you haven't caught onto the trend by now, THIS, my dear is what lovebombing is. This is what it looks and sounds like. The narcopaths who have money, will also lavish you with expensive gifts, trips, etc. The narcopaths who are broke, will give mediocre gifts (necklaces, flowers, etc.), but they will really put on the charm with the giving - trying to be "over the top sweet." The intention behind the presentation of any gift is what you should note - is it truly appropriate at the stage of relationship you are in? If not, those aren't butterflies you're feeling - that is your gut pointing out the red flags.